Loading ...Kyle Bernstein
Now that we’ve covered the fundamentals of proper etiquette based on respect for others – being pleasant and sincere, awareness of your surroundings, thinking before you speak, speaking when spoken to, acting appropriately, and saying “please” and “thank you” – let’s delve into the world of bad manners. While deciding what to do or say in any situation can sometimes be a challenge, bad manners are usually quite easy to spot from a distance. Of course, it’s always easier to hone in on the shortcomings of others, while ignoring your own gaffes.
Not everyone grew up with families and teachers concerned with the ways of etiquette. In large families and over-crowded classrooms, self-interest is a means to survival. Many young adults who were pressured to succeed or had to fend for themselves approach life on their own thinking they must push and shove to get ahead or shout to be heard. It’s an unfortunate reality, but it is up to those who care about getting along with others to rise above the indiscretions of others to exhibit proper form and set the etiquette bar.
Let’s call attention to some things that make us go “ugh”:
Plain Old Rudeness
Throughout New York City, particularly in subway stations and public playgrounds, there are visibly posted, large white signs with big black lettering requesting “No Swearing, Spitting, Smoking, or Radio Playing”.
It is telling that we actually need to be reminded of the minimum requirements of public behavior, but it is a good have those reminders. One can only imagine how much more of these offenses we’d have to tolerate if it weren’t for these signs.
A few other “don’ts” sign makers might want to consider: Interrupting, Shouting, Shoving, Touching, Lying, Cheating, Stealing…
Many find loud and pushy, abrasive and aggressive actions offensive. If you find people backing away when you come near, you may want to tone it down a notch. Being animated is great and sometimes it is difficult to contain ones excitement, frustration, ire, etc. But generally, particularly in a professional context, vocalizations should be kept to a normal speaking tone and volume. If the person you’re beckoning is too far away to be heard, move closer or call them on the phone. If your actions are motivated by anger, you might want to consider getting to the root of whatever’s behind that. Doing your job shouldn’t make you mad and if you cannot tolerate your associates, perhaps this isn’t the right occupation or organization for you. Remember that you can’t control the behaviors of other, only your own responses. So reigning in your own emotions can go a long way in diffusing a potentially hostile situation.
Public Adjustments
Whether it’s an itchy armpit or a bothersome broccoli bit stuck between your back teeth, excuse yourself to the ladies room to remedy the problem and remember to wash your hands before returning to work.
Ditto for digging out a deeply-lodged wedgie, passing gas or belching.
If you wouldn’t want to see it, please don’t subject others to it.
If you catch yourself mindlessly picking a scab or letting out an uncontrollable sound, stop it and say ”excuse me”.
It’s the polite thing to do.
Food-related rudeness
Placing anything gross or potentially stinky into the garbage can at anyone’s desk but your own is unforgiveable.
This would fall under the “respect” category. If you don’t want to look at it or smell it for the rest of the day, why would anyone else want to? Find a trash receptacle determined specifically for this purpose – likely in the bathroom or lunch room. We all get busy and work through lunch occasionally, but those files don’t actually belong to you, so keep it clean. Some would argue that even eating on the job is bad form considering some offices have strict “no al desko” policies. It can make the office smelly as well as germy and look unprofessional to visitors. Besides, if work is that hectic, you probably need a break and you can’t really concentrate on two things at once.
Commenting in a derogatory fashion about something someone else is eating is also quite unacceptable. Variety is the spice of life. If seeing someone enjoy a peanut butter and sardine sandwich repulses you, distance yourself from the situation. Loudly yelling “ewww” is rude, showcases your ignorance, and will undoubtedly make the person you’re talking about feel self-conscious. BTW – unless you are dining with said person, leave them alone if they are eating at their desk. Whatever issue you are confronting them with can wait until they’ve had their lunch and they will be more apt to help or cooperate with you once they are nourished.
Potty Mouth
We’re all adults here. We’ve heard all the swear words, completely understand all of the functions of our organs, and know where babies come from. Most people are not all that offended by curse words or a bit of vulgarity, but it’s still not appropriate at work. Or on the bus, or on your cell phone in public. If you’re interested in telling off-color jokes, there are comedy clubs the world over that host amateur nights where you would have the right audience. Want to share the most intimate details of your personal life with total strangers? It’s called FaceBook.
Otherwise, go out for Margaritas with your girlfriends or use your landline at home and share away.
Bad Hygiene
Hopefully, you take pride in your appearance and keep yourself clean and presentable. That’s good etiquette. Taking it too far, however, can move you straight into “bad manners” territory. Whether it’s too much perfume or a garlicky lunch, no one should be able to smell you coming. Please keep in mind that everyone may not enjoy your fragrance as much as you do. It should be enough that you can share it with those who you choose to come into close contact with, but not so much that it leaves the entire elevator in tears.
Occasionally, the faux pas of others provide comic relieve, but being the class clown can get old very quickly.
Better to strive to do what’s right and appear that you have your act together, even if nobody else does.
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