Cynthia Cheng

It bothers me sometimes to see adults who still don’t understand proper table manners.  We aren’t talking about people eat like they’ve been raised in the wild – these adults are actually civilized.  We are talking about adults raised in a western country who still don’t know how to properly set a table or use cutlery properly.  In my observation, most of these adults are 35 or younger.  Not only are these one of the earliest groups of latch key kids, but they have parents who grew up in the counter-culture 1960s. 

Young people with bad table manners, like this fellow, are more commonly-found than you think

The rebellious 1960s may have meant that these people’s parents rejected all that was “proper,” and therefore did not pass it on to their kids, without realizing that their children would, one day, grow up and get professional jobs.  And these kids, having had parents with such philosophies, grow up believing that it isn’t necessary.  Others think it’s “snobby” to have impeccable, finishing school trained manners - including people who are now, believe it or not, lawyers or bankers.  And it’s interesting that this isn’t often discussed by most publications – at least nearly as often as say, articles about 23 year olds who think capris and flip flops equate “business casual.”   And really, how hard is it to have these manners?  It’s not like one is learning a completely new language.

This needs to be changed now.  Not only do we need to train the adults, but we need to teach young children as well.  It’s not only the parents’ job to do this, but schools.  In some parts of the world, table manners are integrated into the curriculum.  In France, for example, elementary school aged children who eat school-prepared lunches (there is no option to bring lunch – those who don’t eat school lunches go home) practice proper table manners and are supervised by faculty.  This never happens in this part of the world.  We just go about eating.  No one cares whether you stuff your sandwich, slurp your soup and so forth.  Some might even be okay with slurping, because it’s acceptable in certain cultures.  However, do we know that the kid DOESN’T know that it might be rude in others?  No we don’t, and the kid needs to be told that – in a way that won’t offend him or her.  I’m 30 years old, which means that I fall into the older cohort of the “might be a little rude” generation.  I was taught proper manners from the time I was very young.  I was three years old when I learned how to properly hold chopsticks.  I was also able to use a fork and knife.  However, that’s not often the case with many others (there are those who believe that young kids just can’t learn because their muscles aren’t ready.  Maybe you just need to get special sized “training” utensils, then.  Or, just teach them.  At one point in time, all kids HAD were grown-up utensils)  I also know people my age who are surprised that I have a copy of Tiffany’s  Table Manners for Teenagers, a book that I think should be on every tween’s bookshelf, even though it is dated and only focuses on western table manners.  

This article is not meant to be elitist.  In fact, having good table manners isn’t an elitist thing at all.  It’s actually an important skill set to have, because you never know when you’re going to need it.  In fact, one WILL need it if one wants to move up career-wise.  There are those who don’t need to learn it – they have been practicing as long as they could remember, but there are many more who do – mostly because they were never taught.  Though one doesn’t need to be absolutely perfect (I know I’m not always), one should learn.  Start reading a book or go online to research. Now.

Image © Angelika Schwarz/iStockphoto